Shush, I've been busy. Plus, Inspirational Equality.
So. About that return to blogging …
Look, I did make it to a few events this year. Well, Great Northern War and a cool thing in Mordenvale that Viscountess C dragged me to (it was ACE!), plus a day or two of Festival. And they reminded me of a lot of the things I really enjoy about the SCA, almost to the point of me making new frocks and leaping back in.
But I'm still at that point where some of the attitudes from a minority of the people send me into such a frothing rage that it's probably for the best that I stay away a little while longer. Until I can bring myself to talk to about a dozen people without shouting 'You Raging Hypocrite!' I should stick to the gym and cycling and deep breathing exercises to build control.
Having said that, there have been some BRILLIANT developments in the SCA this year that I want to applaud. YAY for the SCA Inc for realising there is no reason to say not to homosexual couples as Barons and Baronesses! For too long we have left some of the finest couples in the game on the sidelines in these essential roles because of absolutely non-essential details like their gender. It's a great step that there is now a clear-cut and positive decision on this issue.
And I was so impressed by the An Tir Crown last September who worked so beautifully with their Kingdom's Inspirational Equality movement in support of same-sex couples wishing to contend Crown tournaments. It was done with grace, yet without sacrificing the political point.
The subsequent discussion on the Lochac List was mostly really thoughtful, too. For many people, this issue was a clear-cut one of rights (I agree with this position), while others expressed an objection to same-sex Crowns based on the fact they like there to be Queens in each reign.
It surprised me that there was an automatic assumption that same-sex reigns would see fewer Queens in Lochac. Certainly, men have won all the Lochac Crown tournaments so far, but thinking of the gay and lesbian couples I have known in the SCA, the girls have all been more likely to be authorised heavies, so it's quite possible that they will have a statistical advantage should same-sex Crowns come about. We could end up with more Queens.
Predictably, a number of hypothetical scenarios were pitched to 'prove' it would be a bad idea for women, the most loudly voiced being that two mythical superdukes would fight for each other and dominate the Kingdom. When I first heard this, I was torn between childish giggles that I had long suspected something between Jade and Uther (sorry, Uther!) and then mad cackling at the thought of Alfar and Cornelius hooking up (There Would Be Blood).
It is an absurd idea however you look at it, from the simple fact that it would reduce their dominance to one reign every two as opposed to the current repeat-sequential-with-pliant-consorts possibility, to the more human fact that the small handful of dukes who have enough personal issues to even consider this also have enough personal issues about their sexuality to make it an impossibility.
But the idea that people like there to be a King and a Queen is a less absurd one, and one that bears some thinking about. I've liked all our Queens, even the ones who caused a spot of head-desking. We've all worked damned hard at the job (for new readers, I've done it twice, and was Princess once when we were a Principality), and brought a degree of grace to the role that has generally played well with the populace.
But when I thought about this at length, none of the things we've done as Queen have been essentially female things. We dressed well, we mediated, we made nice speeches, we enforced a basic level of cleanliness and sobriety in the Court – a man could do any one of these things.
Similarly, a woman could do anything a King has done, and in other Kingdoms, the roles of tournament victor and consort have been played by a woman and man respectively without those Kingdoms coming to an end, or even having the wobblies.
One of the most common compliments that we received as Crown was that we presented a strong unit and were a good example of the fighter-consort relationship. Now some of this was because at events, no-one sees me growl at Ædward for not doing the dishes, nor him nag me to pack away my books. But most of it comes from the fact that we both love and like each other a great deal. This is not contingent on us being heterosexual. It's not even contingent on a sexual relationship. Edmund and Leonore were a lovely Crown, where each had the utmost respect and affection for each other, but were mother and son. Berenger and Bethan were just wonderful on the throne, but platonic friends.
Is it possible to be just as inspired by a same-sex couple? I would argue that it very much is. Some of the strongest relationships in my peer group, people who I think of when not throttling Ædward for non-dishes doing, are gays and lesbians. If they can rub along for decades with far more mundane challenges to their relationships than mine, then I can get over myself.
As to the theatrical aspects of reigning, at the risk of buying into a cliche, I would hazard that very few gay Kings will find it harder than a straight King to carry off the role.
Still, if you really like the idea of looking at a King and a Queen in court, I can see that it would not be perfect for you. But I think that what you would lose is not as much as what other people would gain. Having had Ædward fight for me in Crown, I can say that it was a genuine privilege and a beautiful note in our relationship. I would love for every couple who wanted it to have that experience. And for those who liked things better the other way, well, it's hardly going to be every reign, so you just wait six months. God knows that in my years of playing there have been more than a few reigns that I have sat through mentally crossing dates off calendars. I know that won't be perfect, but nothing ever is, really.
The one thing that did upset me and make me stop reading the thread on the Lochac list was the suggestion that some people's prejudices need to be taken into account on this issue.
Sorry, but that's bullshit.
I know that there are sexist people in the Society because you don't get to be Queen without meeting some of the loudest ones (and the fact that they think you're too dim to notice you're being patronised is the most galling part of all. BUT I HAVE A LIST!!!). There may well be racist people in Lochac, none of them are stupid enough to suggest such attitudes around me. But you know what I can say for the sexists and racists? Not one of them has ever suggested that their prejudices should form the basis for how the game is played. And I respect that.
The fantasy that being anti-gay is somehow different is just that, a fantasy. Anti-gay prejudices lock citizens of this country out of rights and privileges that are open to every other citizen. They get gay people beaten and killed. Still. Anti-gay bullying is one of the leading causes of youth suicide. The simple fact that every argument trotted out against gay marriage was previously used against inter-racial marriage ought to be something of a heads-up.
And as for 'it's unnatural', homosexual behaviour and relationships are found in most social mammals and birds. From our closest genetic relatives the bonobo chimps (very gay), to dolphins, giraffes, elephants, penguins, black swans, wallabies and koalas, it's all well documented out there in the natural world with over 1500 species so far recorded as exhibiting homosexual and bisexual behaviour. But we are the only species with homophobes.
You may have detected a bit of taking it personally in this post. I do. Growing up the daughter of a lesbian I have experienced and witnessed first-hand astonishing acts of anti-gay prejudice that the perpetrators attempted to pass off as 'normal'. One of the best things about my lifetime is that most of the world has called bullshit on that alleged 'normal'. I hope that by the time I am a crochetty old lady with a stick, little kiddies will be as startled at the idea of discrimination as we are that there was ever a White Australia Policy.
In only slightly related news, Ædward went shopping today and came home with some practise swords. Apparently part of the current fitness programme will finally see me authorised. Huzzah! And perhaps even him re-authorised. (Probably not for a while at the rate I sew gambesons, but still.) This is a good thing, as it's probably about time that a few of the Chivalry stalwarts like Sir Gui had the chance to thwack me back after all those years of me sending kids in their direction.
Look, I did make it to a few events this year. Well, Great Northern War and a cool thing in Mordenvale that Viscountess C dragged me to (it was ACE!), plus a day or two of Festival. And they reminded me of a lot of the things I really enjoy about the SCA, almost to the point of me making new frocks and leaping back in.
But I'm still at that point where some of the attitudes from a minority of the people send me into such a frothing rage that it's probably for the best that I stay away a little while longer. Until I can bring myself to talk to about a dozen people without shouting 'You Raging Hypocrite!' I should stick to the gym and cycling and deep breathing exercises to build control.
Having said that, there have been some BRILLIANT developments in the SCA this year that I want to applaud. YAY for the SCA Inc for realising there is no reason to say not to homosexual couples as Barons and Baronesses! For too long we have left some of the finest couples in the game on the sidelines in these essential roles because of absolutely non-essential details like their gender. It's a great step that there is now a clear-cut and positive decision on this issue.
And I was so impressed by the An Tir Crown last September who worked so beautifully with their Kingdom's Inspirational Equality movement in support of same-sex couples wishing to contend Crown tournaments. It was done with grace, yet without sacrificing the political point.
The subsequent discussion on the Lochac List was mostly really thoughtful, too. For many people, this issue was a clear-cut one of rights (I agree with this position), while others expressed an objection to same-sex Crowns based on the fact they like there to be Queens in each reign.
It surprised me that there was an automatic assumption that same-sex reigns would see fewer Queens in Lochac. Certainly, men have won all the Lochac Crown tournaments so far, but thinking of the gay and lesbian couples I have known in the SCA, the girls have all been more likely to be authorised heavies, so it's quite possible that they will have a statistical advantage should same-sex Crowns come about. We could end up with more Queens.
Predictably, a number of hypothetical scenarios were pitched to 'prove' it would be a bad idea for women, the most loudly voiced being that two mythical superdukes would fight for each other and dominate the Kingdom. When I first heard this, I was torn between childish giggles that I had long suspected something between Jade and Uther (sorry, Uther!) and then mad cackling at the thought of Alfar and Cornelius hooking up (There Would Be Blood).
It is an absurd idea however you look at it, from the simple fact that it would reduce their dominance to one reign every two as opposed to the current repeat-sequential-with-pliant-consorts possibility, to the more human fact that the small handful of dukes who have enough personal issues to even consider this also have enough personal issues about their sexuality to make it an impossibility.
But the idea that people like there to be a King and a Queen is a less absurd one, and one that bears some thinking about. I've liked all our Queens, even the ones who caused a spot of head-desking. We've all worked damned hard at the job (for new readers, I've done it twice, and was Princess once when we were a Principality), and brought a degree of grace to the role that has generally played well with the populace.
But when I thought about this at length, none of the things we've done as Queen have been essentially female things. We dressed well, we mediated, we made nice speeches, we enforced a basic level of cleanliness and sobriety in the Court – a man could do any one of these things.
Similarly, a woman could do anything a King has done, and in other Kingdoms, the roles of tournament victor and consort have been played by a woman and man respectively without those Kingdoms coming to an end, or even having the wobblies.
One of the most common compliments that we received as Crown was that we presented a strong unit and were a good example of the fighter-consort relationship. Now some of this was because at events, no-one sees me growl at Ædward for not doing the dishes, nor him nag me to pack away my books. But most of it comes from the fact that we both love and like each other a great deal. This is not contingent on us being heterosexual. It's not even contingent on a sexual relationship. Edmund and Leonore were a lovely Crown, where each had the utmost respect and affection for each other, but were mother and son. Berenger and Bethan were just wonderful on the throne, but platonic friends.
Is it possible to be just as inspired by a same-sex couple? I would argue that it very much is. Some of the strongest relationships in my peer group, people who I think of when not throttling Ædward for non-dishes doing, are gays and lesbians. If they can rub along for decades with far more mundane challenges to their relationships than mine, then I can get over myself.
As to the theatrical aspects of reigning, at the risk of buying into a cliche, I would hazard that very few gay Kings will find it harder than a straight King to carry off the role.
Still, if you really like the idea of looking at a King and a Queen in court, I can see that it would not be perfect for you. But I think that what you would lose is not as much as what other people would gain. Having had Ædward fight for me in Crown, I can say that it was a genuine privilege and a beautiful note in our relationship. I would love for every couple who wanted it to have that experience. And for those who liked things better the other way, well, it's hardly going to be every reign, so you just wait six months. God knows that in my years of playing there have been more than a few reigns that I have sat through mentally crossing dates off calendars. I know that won't be perfect, but nothing ever is, really.
The one thing that did upset me and make me stop reading the thread on the Lochac list was the suggestion that some people's prejudices need to be taken into account on this issue.
Sorry, but that's bullshit.
I know that there are sexist people in the Society because you don't get to be Queen without meeting some of the loudest ones (and the fact that they think you're too dim to notice you're being patronised is the most galling part of all. BUT I HAVE A LIST!!!). There may well be racist people in Lochac, none of them are stupid enough to suggest such attitudes around me. But you know what I can say for the sexists and racists? Not one of them has ever suggested that their prejudices should form the basis for how the game is played. And I respect that.
The fantasy that being anti-gay is somehow different is just that, a fantasy. Anti-gay prejudices lock citizens of this country out of rights and privileges that are open to every other citizen. They get gay people beaten and killed. Still. Anti-gay bullying is one of the leading causes of youth suicide. The simple fact that every argument trotted out against gay marriage was previously used against inter-racial marriage ought to be something of a heads-up.
And as for 'it's unnatural', homosexual behaviour and relationships are found in most social mammals and birds. From our closest genetic relatives the bonobo chimps (very gay), to dolphins, giraffes, elephants, penguins, black swans, wallabies and koalas, it's all well documented out there in the natural world with over 1500 species so far recorded as exhibiting homosexual and bisexual behaviour. But we are the only species with homophobes.
You may have detected a bit of taking it personally in this post. I do. Growing up the daughter of a lesbian I have experienced and witnessed first-hand astonishing acts of anti-gay prejudice that the perpetrators attempted to pass off as 'normal'. One of the best things about my lifetime is that most of the world has called bullshit on that alleged 'normal'. I hope that by the time I am a crochetty old lady with a stick, little kiddies will be as startled at the idea of discrimination as we are that there was ever a White Australia Policy.
In only slightly related news, Ædward went shopping today and came home with some practise swords. Apparently part of the current fitness programme will finally see me authorised. Huzzah! And perhaps even him re-authorised. (Probably not for a while at the rate I sew gambesons, but still.) This is a good thing, as it's probably about time that a few of the Chivalry stalwarts like Sir Gui had the chance to thwack me back after all those years of me sending kids in their direction.
Labels: Inspirational Equality
posted by Miss D at 12:23 am
4 Comments:
Exceedingly well said. And welcome back.
Yay, welcome back :-) I love reading your blog - you say things so well that most of us are thinking however cannot say so eloquently :-)
I stumbled upon your blog while looking for costuming ideas and have wasted much of my night at work reading. I also took a long hiatus from the hobby. The drama became to much and when I started becoming unable to keep my mouth shut and began taking issues personally I had to remove myself from the situation.
As my husband's Knight always said "this is supposed to be fun and when it becomes work...peace out..."
Well said - as always. I am also returning to blogging after a break and in doing so, returned to yours. Glad to hear that you enjoyed yourself at the SCA you attended and here is hoping we see more of you as time goes on. I for one miss you lots but understand your need.
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