Good Peer, Bad Peer, Evil Peer
Because I am an old baggage, it often escapes my notice that there is peer mystique in the SCA. And then I will talk to someone lovely and young and be reminded that a. I really am an old baggage, and b. some people still find peers intimidating and confusing.
For example, a lovely young lass recently asked me why some laurels won’t help with costuming and patterning, to which I replied that it was probably because they were EVIL! Or brewing laurels, in which case it was for the best and they were actually being good. Then I mused a little longer and said: “perhaps they’re just tired and would rather be out down the pub or at home with a good book. Which is bad, but not evil.”
She looked at me intently, then asked: “But how can I tell?” At which point a light bulb went off over my head and several special effects could be heard. So I bring to you, Miss D’s guide to Peers: the good, the bad, and the evil.
You should know now that it’s practically impossible to be a really perfectly good peer. Genuinely good peerdom is something to aspire to and to hit when you can. Most of us are bad peers to one degree or another, but charmingly so. And there is good reason for us to be bad, we have real lives, we get tired, we’re naturally grumpy-trousered people (actually, that could be just me). What we try not to be is evil. Evil peers make the rest of us look bad. Here’s how you can spot the difference.
Scenario One: Please help me with my frock!
The good costume laurel will sit down with you for hours patterning a new frock and talking through the construction. She’ll loan you several books that show you what you’re aiming for, and answer questions over the phone, even pop round your place to make sure that you haven’t gone astray two nights before the event you want to wear the frock at.
The bad costume laurel will help you with the fitting of your bodice and draw a pencil sketch of how the sleeves and skirt should go. She will give you a list of books or websites that you should check out to see how it’s done, if she’s feeling very kind she might even loan you a book. She basically assumes you have enough intelligence to get it done, although if everything cocks up mightily, she’ll probably feel bad and help you fix it.
The evil costume laurel will offer to make it for you. For cash. And then not do as good a job as you could have paid a local dressmaker for, but charge the same and bully you more about it.
(NB It is quite kosher to ask costume laurels to make you garb for cash and for them to do so. The non-kosher bit comes about when they give you no choice in the matter.)
Scenario two: I want to learn how to fight!
The good knight will spend many months helping you learn the basics of offence and defence. He will help you make and acquire armour, fit your underpinnings until everything is comfortable and teach you the basics of body mechanics. Over the next few years he will check up on your progress and give you further pointers. He will take you aside during big tournaments and point out simple ways for you to improve immediately, or else give you tips on your opponents. He will champion you when you do well, even if you’re losing, and take you aside for a chat if you start acting like a twonk on the field.
The bad knight will help you out, but only after you’ve agreed to join his household. He will teach you and help to accoutre you, but in return you will be his buttmonkey and spend Festival running around after him. God forbid you should come up against him in the finals of a big tournament as he will show no hesitation in reminding you how much you owe him. He will, however, vigorously push your case on Knight’s Council.
The evil knight will teach you how to win. He will teach you to hit harder than anyone else and take harder than anyone else. He will deny that this is monstering and instead talk about dominating. He will insist that all of heavy fighting is about the sport and divorce it from the chivalric context entirely. Any win is a good win to this knight, any loss a failure. He will probably sleep with your girlfriend at some point.
Scenario three: I want to run an event!
The good pelican will listen to your plans and point out areas where you may need a bit more work. They will step in to help you out if anything goes pear-shaped, but before that happens they will have given you a good long list of warnings to look for, so things probably won’t. They will introduce you to others who can help, and remind you of the essentials such as having a clean-up crew, and the need to be nice to said clean-up crew.
The bad pelican will encourage you to go ahead with the event but will then disappear for much of the planning period. As soon as you hit your first major screw-up, though, they will reappear and help you fix it. They will then laugh at you a lot. But that’s okay, because their proteges will help you out for the rest of the process and you’ll come out of it without a complete nervous breakdown.
The evil pelican will ignore your cries for help and then spend the evening loudly proclaiming that it is a crap event. When taken to task over this, they will sniffily reply that it’s what happened to them and it’s the only way to learn. Evil pelicans have few friends.
Scenario four: I’m new!
The good peer will sit down with you and talk you through what you need to know to enjoy the event. They’ll introduce you to people if you’re there alone or without a big group, they’ll help your group to integrate smoothly if you’ve come en masse. During court, they will sit near you and explain what’s going on and show you the correct etiquette. At some point during the evening they will probably introduce you to some of the pointy hats, or else some of the more interesting people who will be of use to you in joining the SCA.
The bad peer will be catching up with people that they haven’t seen in ages, and you’ll probably have to butt in and ask a few questions. They will be helpful and cheerful and introduce you to some of the young people and the hospitaller. In truth, they will be fobbing you off, but it will be done with charm and they will check up on you a few times during the evening and remember to smile at you afterwards. If there is a table full of peers who are all drunk, give up, they probably won’t notice you. In a best-case scenario they will sing rude songs in your direction. Don’t target peers who are breastfeeding, crying, having a nap or in the middle of obviously important conversations. Newcomers practically never do this, but other people do and it’s just astonishing. Of course, if it’s to say something vital, such as “The hall is on fire, who do I tell?”, interrupt away.
The evil peer will look at you as though you are from another planet, say, “Yes, and I’m important,” then look away. It may reassure you to know that people who do this are almost without exception poorly endowed.
Scenario five: I’m looking for information on a topic!
The good peer will let you look through their library, then help you write up a list for further research. They will take you to the good local libraries, or at least give you instructions on how to use them. They will give you a list of key names to search on and warn you off dodgy books that sound good but are actually rubbish. They will supplement all of this with their own knowledge and experience, and introduce you to others who are interested in similar topics and will be happy to help you.
The bad peer will give you a list of names, regions or else a period to narrow things down to. They may well introduce you to a good peer because they’ll feel bad if you screw this one up. They will probably toss you a book that will get you started in the right direction without requiring too much time and effort.
The evil peer will have the perfect book for you. But they will never tell you about it. They will never tell anyone about it, they will just hide it away and present the research in the book as their own.
Scenario six: I’ve fucked up!
The good peer may well have noticed this before you mention it to them. If you come to this peer looking for help, you will find wise guidance, compassion and understanding. They will help you to fix your fuck-up and redeem your reputation, even if it’s something serious. If you are trying to get away with being an utter arse, the good peer won’t let you. They will talk to you in private and advise you to change your ways. If you persist, they will advise the other people who come to them to complain (this will happen) that they, too, should talk to you. Ultimately they may use the laws to stop you, but they will have gone to you first in a bid to have you redeem yourself.
The bad peer will look on with a furrowed brow while you do something appalling. They will have a quiet talk with some of your mates and ask if you have cracked under pressure or just gone completely mad. They will suggest to you that you may not be on top of your game. If you go to them seeking help they will make you a cup of tea and give you some good advice. If you are wearing the Crown, they will roll their eyes and say: “I’m in fealty to the Crown, not the loon who’s wearing it.”
The evil peer will shrug and call you a try-hard. Since they are more evil than you, your actions will barely register.
Scenario seven: You’ve fucked up! (no, really.)
The good peer will look horrified and then admit that they have indeed made a mistake. They will apologise publicly and they will set about repairing what they can. They will make personal apologies to individuals they have hurt and will be humble about the whole thing. It may get to the point where some of those individuals ask them to stop apologising, enough already!
The bad peer will be upset, they will say that they are sorry for what they did and if they hurt anyone they apologise unreservedly. They will then never mention it again. If the topic comes up in future years, they will leave the room or else get terribly offended.
The evil peer will say “How dare you impugn my honour by suggesting that I did wrong! I’m a peer!” They will then blacken your name to anyone who will listen and spread bitter stories about your evil attempts to make them look bad. If only the stories were consistent … Over the coming years people will talk to each other and realise that they were all told different things and most will work out that the evil peer is, or was, evil.
Scenario eight: Will you be my friend?
The good peer will say: “Sure, come round at seven and we’ll pattern you a bodice/cook something/practice wraps.”
The bad peer will say: “I already have too many friends to keep track of. But I’ll be nice to you and help you out if you need it.”
The evil peer will say: “Piss off, peasant.”
Scenario nine: Where’s the best of the SCA?
The good peer will be wearing something right – shiny armour, appropriate garb (of whatever class/time/region), shoes, hats and accessories. They will talk with newbies and with oldtimers in a courteous and interested fashion. They will introduce people who would benefit from knowing each other. They will work to stop events from going wrong, they will also nudge people in the correct directions. They will be honest (except where that would be too cruel) and they will be brave. They will open up their homes to teach and they will be generous with their resources. They will not for a moment suggest that they are what is best about the SCA, but you will come to this conclusion by yourself after a short time.
The bad peer will manage about 50% of the above. They will acknowledge that they just don’t have the time or energy to manage the rest, but they will at least be charming and amusing about it. They will have moments when people look at them and say “That’s what you’re aiming for!”
The evil peer will assume that they are the best thing in the SCA. They will probably tell you this. Luckily, people are usually only fooled very briefly.
End note The above examples are all constructs, drawn from the behaviour of collections of individuals. They are not meant to be based on individuals, so don’t look too hard for real-life analogues. Although Gabrielle, Rowan, Steffan Glaube, katherine, Evil Baron Alaine, Stanzi, Angie, Hrothers, Helene, Cornelius, Phil and Leofwynn were all inspirations for some of the good peer bits. Some of them also doubled for a few of the bad peer bits, sometimes in the one category. This being good thing is not so easy, I tell you!
For example, a lovely young lass recently asked me why some laurels won’t help with costuming and patterning, to which I replied that it was probably because they were EVIL! Or brewing laurels, in which case it was for the best and they were actually being good. Then I mused a little longer and said: “perhaps they’re just tired and would rather be out down the pub or at home with a good book. Which is bad, but not evil.”
She looked at me intently, then asked: “But how can I tell?” At which point a light bulb went off over my head and several special effects could be heard. So I bring to you, Miss D’s guide to Peers: the good, the bad, and the evil.
You should know now that it’s practically impossible to be a really perfectly good peer. Genuinely good peerdom is something to aspire to and to hit when you can. Most of us are bad peers to one degree or another, but charmingly so. And there is good reason for us to be bad, we have real lives, we get tired, we’re naturally grumpy-trousered people (actually, that could be just me). What we try not to be is evil. Evil peers make the rest of us look bad. Here’s how you can spot the difference.
Scenario One: Please help me with my frock!
The good costume laurel will sit down with you for hours patterning a new frock and talking through the construction. She’ll loan you several books that show you what you’re aiming for, and answer questions over the phone, even pop round your place to make sure that you haven’t gone astray two nights before the event you want to wear the frock at.
The bad costume laurel will help you with the fitting of your bodice and draw a pencil sketch of how the sleeves and skirt should go. She will give you a list of books or websites that you should check out to see how it’s done, if she’s feeling very kind she might even loan you a book. She basically assumes you have enough intelligence to get it done, although if everything cocks up mightily, she’ll probably feel bad and help you fix it.
The evil costume laurel will offer to make it for you. For cash. And then not do as good a job as you could have paid a local dressmaker for, but charge the same and bully you more about it.
(NB It is quite kosher to ask costume laurels to make you garb for cash and for them to do so. The non-kosher bit comes about when they give you no choice in the matter.)
Scenario two: I want to learn how to fight!
The good knight will spend many months helping you learn the basics of offence and defence. He will help you make and acquire armour, fit your underpinnings until everything is comfortable and teach you the basics of body mechanics. Over the next few years he will check up on your progress and give you further pointers. He will take you aside during big tournaments and point out simple ways for you to improve immediately, or else give you tips on your opponents. He will champion you when you do well, even if you’re losing, and take you aside for a chat if you start acting like a twonk on the field.
The bad knight will help you out, but only after you’ve agreed to join his household. He will teach you and help to accoutre you, but in return you will be his buttmonkey and spend Festival running around after him. God forbid you should come up against him in the finals of a big tournament as he will show no hesitation in reminding you how much you owe him. He will, however, vigorously push your case on Knight’s Council.
The evil knight will teach you how to win. He will teach you to hit harder than anyone else and take harder than anyone else. He will deny that this is monstering and instead talk about dominating. He will insist that all of heavy fighting is about the sport and divorce it from the chivalric context entirely. Any win is a good win to this knight, any loss a failure. He will probably sleep with your girlfriend at some point.
Scenario three: I want to run an event!
The good pelican will listen to your plans and point out areas where you may need a bit more work. They will step in to help you out if anything goes pear-shaped, but before that happens they will have given you a good long list of warnings to look for, so things probably won’t. They will introduce you to others who can help, and remind you of the essentials such as having a clean-up crew, and the need to be nice to said clean-up crew.
The bad pelican will encourage you to go ahead with the event but will then disappear for much of the planning period. As soon as you hit your first major screw-up, though, they will reappear and help you fix it. They will then laugh at you a lot. But that’s okay, because their proteges will help you out for the rest of the process and you’ll come out of it without a complete nervous breakdown.
The evil pelican will ignore your cries for help and then spend the evening loudly proclaiming that it is a crap event. When taken to task over this, they will sniffily reply that it’s what happened to them and it’s the only way to learn. Evil pelicans have few friends.
Scenario four: I’m new!
The good peer will sit down with you and talk you through what you need to know to enjoy the event. They’ll introduce you to people if you’re there alone or without a big group, they’ll help your group to integrate smoothly if you’ve come en masse. During court, they will sit near you and explain what’s going on and show you the correct etiquette. At some point during the evening they will probably introduce you to some of the pointy hats, or else some of the more interesting people who will be of use to you in joining the SCA.
The bad peer will be catching up with people that they haven’t seen in ages, and you’ll probably have to butt in and ask a few questions. They will be helpful and cheerful and introduce you to some of the young people and the hospitaller. In truth, they will be fobbing you off, but it will be done with charm and they will check up on you a few times during the evening and remember to smile at you afterwards. If there is a table full of peers who are all drunk, give up, they probably won’t notice you. In a best-case scenario they will sing rude songs in your direction. Don’t target peers who are breastfeeding, crying, having a nap or in the middle of obviously important conversations. Newcomers practically never do this, but other people do and it’s just astonishing. Of course, if it’s to say something vital, such as “The hall is on fire, who do I tell?”, interrupt away.
The evil peer will look at you as though you are from another planet, say, “Yes, and I’m important,” then look away. It may reassure you to know that people who do this are almost without exception poorly endowed.
Scenario five: I’m looking for information on a topic!
The good peer will let you look through their library, then help you write up a list for further research. They will take you to the good local libraries, or at least give you instructions on how to use them. They will give you a list of key names to search on and warn you off dodgy books that sound good but are actually rubbish. They will supplement all of this with their own knowledge and experience, and introduce you to others who are interested in similar topics and will be happy to help you.
The bad peer will give you a list of names, regions or else a period to narrow things down to. They may well introduce you to a good peer because they’ll feel bad if you screw this one up. They will probably toss you a book that will get you started in the right direction without requiring too much time and effort.
The evil peer will have the perfect book for you. But they will never tell you about it. They will never tell anyone about it, they will just hide it away and present the research in the book as their own.
Scenario six: I’ve fucked up!
The good peer may well have noticed this before you mention it to them. If you come to this peer looking for help, you will find wise guidance, compassion and understanding. They will help you to fix your fuck-up and redeem your reputation, even if it’s something serious. If you are trying to get away with being an utter arse, the good peer won’t let you. They will talk to you in private and advise you to change your ways. If you persist, they will advise the other people who come to them to complain (this will happen) that they, too, should talk to you. Ultimately they may use the laws to stop you, but they will have gone to you first in a bid to have you redeem yourself.
The bad peer will look on with a furrowed brow while you do something appalling. They will have a quiet talk with some of your mates and ask if you have cracked under pressure or just gone completely mad. They will suggest to you that you may not be on top of your game. If you go to them seeking help they will make you a cup of tea and give you some good advice. If you are wearing the Crown, they will roll their eyes and say: “I’m in fealty to the Crown, not the loon who’s wearing it.”
The evil peer will shrug and call you a try-hard. Since they are more evil than you, your actions will barely register.
Scenario seven: You’ve fucked up! (no, really.)
The good peer will look horrified and then admit that they have indeed made a mistake. They will apologise publicly and they will set about repairing what they can. They will make personal apologies to individuals they have hurt and will be humble about the whole thing. It may get to the point where some of those individuals ask them to stop apologising, enough already!
The bad peer will be upset, they will say that they are sorry for what they did and if they hurt anyone they apologise unreservedly. They will then never mention it again. If the topic comes up in future years, they will leave the room or else get terribly offended.
The evil peer will say “How dare you impugn my honour by suggesting that I did wrong! I’m a peer!” They will then blacken your name to anyone who will listen and spread bitter stories about your evil attempts to make them look bad. If only the stories were consistent … Over the coming years people will talk to each other and realise that they were all told different things and most will work out that the evil peer is, or was, evil.
Scenario eight: Will you be my friend?
The good peer will say: “Sure, come round at seven and we’ll pattern you a bodice/cook something/practice wraps.”
The bad peer will say: “I already have too many friends to keep track of. But I’ll be nice to you and help you out if you need it.”
The evil peer will say: “Piss off, peasant.”
Scenario nine: Where’s the best of the SCA?
The good peer will be wearing something right – shiny armour, appropriate garb (of whatever class/time/region), shoes, hats and accessories. They will talk with newbies and with oldtimers in a courteous and interested fashion. They will introduce people who would benefit from knowing each other. They will work to stop events from going wrong, they will also nudge people in the correct directions. They will be honest (except where that would be too cruel) and they will be brave. They will open up their homes to teach and they will be generous with their resources. They will not for a moment suggest that they are what is best about the SCA, but you will come to this conclusion by yourself after a short time.
The bad peer will manage about 50% of the above. They will acknowledge that they just don’t have the time or energy to manage the rest, but they will at least be charming and amusing about it. They will have moments when people look at them and say “That’s what you’re aiming for!”
The evil peer will assume that they are the best thing in the SCA. They will probably tell you this. Luckily, people are usually only fooled very briefly.
End note The above examples are all constructs, drawn from the behaviour of collections of individuals. They are not meant to be based on individuals, so don’t look too hard for real-life analogues. Although Gabrielle, Rowan, Steffan Glaube, katherine, Evil Baron Alaine, Stanzi, Angie, Hrothers, Helene, Cornelius, Phil and Leofwynn were all inspirations for some of the good peer bits. Some of them also doubled for a few of the bad peer bits, sometimes in the one category. This being good thing is not so easy, I tell you!
posted by Miss D at 1:22 pm
9 Comments:
So when does that series of Peerage Survivor start? And is it the tribe or the 1800-public that does the voting off?
Not Evil But Tempted B
Heh. I tend to think what you list as a bad costume laurel is actualy quite good!
Nice list though. You're right, it's almost impossible to always be a good whatever, whether it be peer, or just person. I think we all try, but fail sometimes.
At least, i like to think we all try.
Hmmm - An excellent read - the interesting thing was that I thought of many of those who inspired you during my read (especially my evil Baron peer).
Yeah, some days I try to be good.
Some days I just don't have the energy.
Some days I just am not inspired...
Hmm as a non-peer who thinks of everyone as human (we all enrich the earth in the same way everyday...) I would look at the first category as "oh my word you are insane and will burn out if you try to live up to that and I'd rather have you in the second category and be around for years and years and years. Either that or you simply aren't human and I'm scared" category.
Myna, you're as smart as you are lovely.
Miss D, me'thinks your good/bad/evil perhaps seems closer to great/average/evil.
Plus with a ratio of 1500 members/players to 200 peers, there's probably at least 5 people who think you are being average or evil while you're busy being great to 1.
Argh! I've had to write a clarification post. My powers of satire are slipping (or you're all drunk.) It's really On Speed/ Normal Peer/ Psycho Bastard Peer. Being On Speed is fun occasionally, but the fact that there are some who expect it of us all the time means that we should mock them.
As Deense spotted, I myself am the model of a bad costume laurel!
As to Peerage Survivor, I'm stymied by both the cost of a 1800 line and the inability to cast anyone objective in the Jeff Probst role. Maybe we should allow write-ins?
Speed? Did some one say speed? Where's the speed? Huh, huh? You said speed. I heard you...come on ..pony up. If I'm gunna be a peer I want the speed!!!
If only ... You'd be an overachieving fiend, though it would be funny. I'd actually finish projects and transcribing the Laurel notes would be a breeze as they'd consist of: "Yeah, let's elevate X! Everyone else is OK, except Y, who's pretty sucky. Who nicked my chocolate? Did you nick my chocolate? You fucker!"
Admittedly, that's pretty much all that gets said anyway, except it comes out in 12 pages of minutes.
Anyway, shush you, we are old and dignified these days. Oh the leaving of the rooms that will occur when your son starts asking teenage questions ... ("No, dear, your mummy was busy with her missionary work all though the 90s.")
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