Reasons not to sleep with knights, part III
Back to the silliness! If you are an FTN subscriber, you will be holding a paper copy of all 75 in your hot little hand soon, along with much other dodginess. Any day now I will have time to finish my event reports on the St James Pas and Festival 2oo6. But we do have a lovely new bathroom cabinet and I have found the floor in both the bedroom and living room. And they said it would never happen (which may have some validity when it comes to the sewing room ...)
51. Say G-Spot and he thinks groin shot.
52. He loves your long hair, so much so that he snips it off one night and uses it for his helmet crest.
53. Your shed is filled with armour, your hall is filled with weapons, and then he starts to assemble his chainmaille in the living room …
54. Using your jewellery pliers.
55. Your leather tools become his leather tools. Your shoe leather becomes his leg armour.
56. He asks you if you love him, then he asks you if you can make him a new gambeson to show you how much you love him. For war. This weekend.
57. He gives the gambeson to his new squire in lieu of a belt and then asks you to make him another one.
58. He’s a wonderful man, except every Festival he disappears all day to the war or tourney fields.
59. Then he disappears half the night to gasbag with visiting international knights.
60. Then he organises your international travel plans so that you can catch up with his overseas knightly friends.
61. And 34kg of your 60kg travel allowance is made up of armour and vegemite. The vegemite is for him, you have to carry the bribery Tim Tams in your carry-on.
62. In your early days, he yells “Good!” at startling moments. After which there’s no way you’re going to be having a similar opportunity.
63. Yet years later, he still encourages you to adopt the same tactic.
64. “Left”, “Right”, “Slower”, ‘Faster”; none of this works. He only understands “Hold”
65. What the hell does he mean by “Light!”?
66. Someone writes a filk about his mightiness. He sings it in bed. He wants you to sing it.
67. Squires try to hit on you in case the magic can rub off. That’s not all they want rubbed.
68. He’s one of the good knights, and you love him. But then there are all his friends …
69. Who turn up at your house every time there’s a big tourney.
70. With their armour, in your hall.
71. For a week, because there’s another tourney…
72. Say ‘stick’ to them and they start waving their arms around. Not the effect you were after.
73. Don’t even mention thrusting tips.
74. They buy your favourite beer. They take it to Knight’s meeting.
75. You ask if they have protection. They smile and whip out a pair of gauntlets.
51. Say G-Spot and he thinks groin shot.
52. He loves your long hair, so much so that he snips it off one night and uses it for his helmet crest.
53. Your shed is filled with armour, your hall is filled with weapons, and then he starts to assemble his chainmaille in the living room …
54. Using your jewellery pliers.
55. Your leather tools become his leather tools. Your shoe leather becomes his leg armour.
56. He asks you if you love him, then he asks you if you can make him a new gambeson to show you how much you love him. For war. This weekend.
57. He gives the gambeson to his new squire in lieu of a belt and then asks you to make him another one.
58. He’s a wonderful man, except every Festival he disappears all day to the war or tourney fields.
59. Then he disappears half the night to gasbag with visiting international knights.
60. Then he organises your international travel plans so that you can catch up with his overseas knightly friends.
61. And 34kg of your 60kg travel allowance is made up of armour and vegemite. The vegemite is for him, you have to carry the bribery Tim Tams in your carry-on.
62. In your early days, he yells “Good!” at startling moments. After which there’s no way you’re going to be having a similar opportunity.
63. Yet years later, he still encourages you to adopt the same tactic.
64. “Left”, “Right”, “Slower”, ‘Faster”; none of this works. He only understands “Hold”
65. What the hell does he mean by “Light!”?
66. Someone writes a filk about his mightiness. He sings it in bed. He wants you to sing it.
67. Squires try to hit on you in case the magic can rub off. That’s not all they want rubbed.
68. He’s one of the good knights, and you love him. But then there are all his friends …
69. Who turn up at your house every time there’s a big tourney.
70. With their armour, in your hall.
71. For a week, because there’s another tourney…
72. Say ‘stick’ to them and they start waving their arms around. Not the effect you were after.
73. Don’t even mention thrusting tips.
74. They buy your favourite beer. They take it to Knight’s meeting.
75. You ask if they have protection. They smile and whip out a pair of gauntlets.
posted by Miss D at 1:20 am
6 Comments:
Floor is good!
I received my folia, and I was very amused.
66. Someone writes a filk about his mightiness. He sings it in bed. He wants you to sing it.
I'll get to work. What's your preferred vocal range?
HEEHEEE...And here I thought the reason to not sleep with Knights was so that you wouldn't have to spend EVERY SINGLE EVENT telling people, "NO. He's NOT fighting for me in Crown this time..." heheheheeee
This last set definetly all seem to be about J......
Sir Phil - not at all! Well, maybe 53-56. But only those ones.
Alysoun - sing it sister, it's all too true (and do say hello to the sheep girl, I cyber stalked you briefly to find out who this perspicacious new person is!)
Bat and Mari - NO SINGING! There are enough songs around the house for J as it is, usually to do with where is my iPod cable and why has he drunk the last of the milk again ...
Suggestion: "He invites you into his bedroom to play with his weapon, and he is not using a euphemism." ~ Celsa
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